Image source: Getty Images
With the increasing use of terms such as "psychological manipulation," "inducing negative emotions," and "violating personal boundaries," some parents find it difficult to understand the so-called psychotherapeutic language their teens use.
Carla Hoskins says that when she asks her two sons, aged 15 and 18, to study or do household chores at their home in the British county of Hertfordshire, she sometimes encounters a response such as: “You are making me feel negative!”
In the United States, Shannon Salvatoreello says her two sons, ages 14 and 17, use similar expressions, which makes her feel "very confused."
Mental health experts from Britain and the United States speak to the BBC about the reasons why young people use terms commonly heard during psychotherapy sessions in their daily conversations, and offer advice to parents to help them understand their teenagers better.
Image source: @carla_elizabeth87
Carla, a mother of six, says that her two teenage sons sometimes accuse her of “psychological manipulation,” especially when she asks them about their friends or their schoolwork.
The 39-year-old mother says: “I feel that every time I try to discuss something with them or ask them for something, I find myself facing this new language.”
She added: "Instead of them simply saying: 'Mom, I'm stressed about exams,' or 'I have a lot of things to worry about,' they say that I'm making them feel negative."
“You can never get to the bottom of what is going on,” she continues.
Most read end
Carla says that she had never heard of the terms “inciting negative emotions” or “psychological manipulation” until her two sons started using them, and she believes that they learned these expressions from social media.
New York psychiatrist, Susan Garfinkel Crowell, agrees with her, who believes that social media is among the factors that have contributed to the spread of psychotherapy terms in everyday language.
She explains that social media is one of the sources that teenagers turn to in their attempts to understand themselves and the world around them.
Image source: Dr Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell
Stay updated with the latest current affairs
Download the app
BBC Arabic application for mobile phones
Speaking to BBC Radio 4's Women's Hour programme, Garfinkel Crowell says she has noticed a change in the way young people talk about their problems, as they have moved from describing their feelings to using terms to categorize them.
She explains: "They would say things like, 'I don't get along well with my mom,' or 'School has become really hard, and I'm starting to feel bad about myself.' Then, suddenly, they would say, 'I have trouble connecting with others, I have ADHD, and I'm depressed.'"
Garfinkel Crowell stresses that parents should not hesitate to consult a mental health professional if their children describe symptoms associated with medical conditions, such as anxiety disorders or depression.
Garfinkel-Crowell understands that some parents feel that their teens' use of psychotherapy terms makes it "as if they're speaking a new language," but she stresses the importance of understanding the circumstances that lead teens to use this language.
She explains that many young people, especially girls, often feel that their parents and society in general do not take them seriously.
“The only way to make them feel like their voices are heard is to resort to these specialized medical terms,” she says.
The head of an independent review into young people's mental health told BBC News in September that "being young is becoming more difficult" now.
Professor Peter Fonagy explained that psychological pressures among young people have witnessed a real increase, in light of the economic and job uncertainty facing their generation.
Image source: The Samuel Therapy Practice
But psychotherapist Julia Samuel, based in London, warns that young people's use of medical terms, such as "anxiety disorder," to describe "normal feelings such as mild psychological distress" may lead to the establishment of patterns of behavior and feelings that contribute to their developing a psychological disorder.
“They may end up getting infected with what they are trying to avoid,” she explains, adding that “lack of knowledge and overuse of these terms may harm young people.”
Samuel says that “listening is the most important way to bridge the gap” for parents who find it difficult to understand the language of psychotherapy used by their children.
She suggests using "simple, familiar emotional language" to re-express what the teen is saying, which helps parents better understand his or her feelings.
Garfinkel Crowell agrees, noting that one helpful way for parents is to think of words and feelings that can be linked to the psychological term a teen uses.
"You could try saying something like: 'This seems to be making you feel very lonely,' she says. 'Is this part of what you're going through?'
As for Shannon, a mother of four children from the US state of New Jersey, she says that it took her several years to realize that her method based on saying: “I am your mother, and I am asking you a question, and you must answer me,” was not effective in dealing with her teenage children.
She explains that she felt frustrated when they objected to her questions, sometimes using phrases in which they accused her of not respecting their personal boundaries.
Image source: @shannons_edit
Samuel advises parents, instead of directing questions to their teenage children, to try to talk about personal experiences they have had in similar situations.
“You can talk about a situation you went through at school, or something related to what they're going through, so they don't feel like you're pointing the finger at them,” she says.
"I noticed that when I step back and give them some space, they come back to me later and say, 'You know what happened? I got a 95 on the Spanish test,'" Shannon says.
“You don't have to ask them the same thing three days in a row,” she adds.
As for Carla, she expresses her happiness with her ability to speak frankly with her teenage children, and feels that they can discuss various matters with her, even if she sometimes finds it difficult to understand the terminology they use.
“We're close, and I think that's why they sometimes feel like they can use these psychotherapy terms with me, as if they were talking to a friend,” she says.
Find out more
Short clips
End of short clips
